_{What if I fell to the floor,
Couldn't take all this anymore?}

(This was inspired by that "25 Things About You" Facebook meme; I took it, made it my own, and ran with it.)



I am a person who craves challenges. If I am not challenged, I am not interested.

I have a very hard time letting people in. But if I make a bond with you, then you have all of me. Unconditional love. And I will fight to the death for you. I am a fiercely loyal friend.

And I have a special dedication to those who are drowning in their demons: If you run away, I will follow. If you scream at me to leave, I will stand firm. If in your self-destruction you betray me, break me...if you thrash me against walls and floors and stairs, I will pick myself up, limp bleeding back to you, and forgive unconditionally. I will throw myself in between you and your demon, and though I know I cannot stop it, at least it will have to tear through me to get to you. At least I can hold it off long enough to let you have a chance to smile again.

In fighting for you, I am fighting for myself. In fighting for you, I am protecting something precious to me.

I am not a destructive person. On the contrary, I have devoted myself to being a constructive person. I used to be self-destructive...but not a trace of that remains in me today. Where I would once so utterly decompose myself in pain, now I accept life for what it is - I'll accept the pain with eyes rolled back, and then I'll take the lesson, learn from it, strengthen my resolve...and time will gracefully numb.

I appreciate the bittersweet. Whenever I've lost someone/something, I've gained more of myself. I regret nothing - if I had never fallen, I never would have stood up.

I find beauty in dissonance. It's the imperfections and failures that draw me in.

I am young, but I am not blind.

I am a person who heals astoundingly fast. (But your actions still carve scars into my heart - It just means when I heal, I will heal to be stronger than before.)

I am incapable of hatred. I am incapable of holding grudges.

I am a person who forgives anything and anyone. (But just 'cause I'll forgive you, doesn't mean it's okay.)

I am a person who loves potently. (But I guess everything is lethal in large enough doses, huh?)

I am drawn towards people who suffer. (If I can be a light in their life, then my purpose in this world is fulfilled.)

I am a stubborn fuck who has a tendency to fight for lost causes. (But if I don't fight for them...who will? I've won some of these "lost" causes.)

(I am realizing that I really need to cut my fingernails, because they are so long they keep hitting other keys on my laptop. It's taking me twice as long to type anything because I need to go back and edit it - it looks like I'm typing drunk heheh.)

I protect myself with a shield of humor - when I am upset or angry, I will laugh and joke and the only way you can tell I'm bothered is because I'll declare it: "I'm pissed! " And if you actually see me sulking, it means either I'm still processing the shock or I'm just exaggerating to get a reaction out of someone else.

I am not an attention whore - when I draw attention to myself, be it in writing or what have you, it means something extraordinary has happened and I think it's worth taking a moment to look at. (But if I'm feeling blatantly ignored, then I'll be purposefully obnoxious. We all have pet peeves - being ignored is mine.)

I am a dilettante. The definition is something like "one who dabbles in the arts," which makes it sound like I have a variety of talents and like to try everything. While there is truth in that, it's really just a fancy way of saying that I try lots of different things and then get bored and give up on all of them.

I am an experimenter - I will say and do things just to study how people respond to different words and actions. I will push the envelope or feign obliviousness, just to see what happens. Human behavior fascinates me. (It also gets me into a ton of shit.)

I am a storyteller. I am an author at heart, and I have a tendency to exaggerate and embellish - not because I'm a liar, but because it lends literary quality to my stories. I have a fetish for powerful, striking vocabulary. (But I'm not exaggerating today.)

I tire quickly of ephemeral things. I need definites, I need constants. (If I'm not given them, I will make them.)

I am a person who believes in God. I am also a person who will only believe tangible things. It sounds like a paradox, but really it means that I have felt the physical presence of a higher being. (It was as real to me as an embrace by any of you, and at first that was terrifying but then it was overwhelmingly peaceful.)

I am a person who puts up a front of being okay and being strong and solid, but what I don't tell you is that I AM okay and strong and solid all the way through to my core. (I guess what I'm trying to say is, I feel like I'm acting but I'm not.)

I am a person who has been broken time and time again, but although the scars have toughened my heart, they have not hardened it. I am not a cynic, I am not disillusioned. The fire in my eyes is brighter than ever and I still see splendid color in this world. I have not let my past negatively impact my thoughts and actions of the present, nor will I allow it in my future. I have no baggage. ("You want me to carry WHAT?! That huge honkin' suitcase? Screw you!")

I won't fit into your mold of who you think I am or should be. There's always another layer, and I will surprise you. I promise. Even though I like stories, I'm not a character in one, afterall.

I am a person who believes hope to be the most important aspect of life.

I am laid-back, I am low-maintenance, and I am stable.

I am fierce, I am tenacious, and I am standing my ground.

I am arrogant, I am selfish, and I am selfless.

I am a dreamer, I am a realistic optimist, and I am not only living...

I am alive.




I am not really full of that many secrets. Take me for how we interact - actions speak volumes more than my words ever could. These words are just to lend insight on how I think - the thought processes behind the way I act. You can't truly know me without getting to know me, afterall. And to all the dear people from my life...please don't view me as someone different than who you thought I was.

You know me better than that



_{I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.}